a lesson in Obedience

… a couple of Friday's ago, despite a sense of shyness, I stood in front of Christian Life Program participants and shared my understanding and experiences about what it means to be a Christian…

About a month ago I received a call from Abu Dhabi Chapter A1 team heads inviting me to be the speaker for CLP Talk 3. 

I was reluctant…

I normally shy away from chances like these since speaking in front of a crowd was never really my strong suit. I was laughing but felt panicky as they told me how they had discerned and chose me initially but changed their minds knowing the introvert me might say "no".  They had scratched my name on the list before submitting it to the elders, only to find my name back on it when it was approved and given back to them.

“it is really for you” they said… “let me pray for it” I replied thus, overwhelmed with nerves, I was not able to sleep soundly that night. 

I jokingly prayed “Lord, antagal pa kinakabahan nman ako agad, kaya ko ba to?

I got my answer early morning the next day. This was what I read in my daily bible reflection guide: 

I realized that my nervousness was because I was worried that I won't be a engaging speaker and bore the listeners. I was worried that I won't be an eloquent speaker - unable to discuss articulately the topic at hand and that the participants won't learn anything from me.

I was relying on my own capabilities instead of trusting in His guidance and promise of “arming His soldiers for battle” which led me to pray for wisdom and courage to be His mouthpiece. It had given me the calmness that eluded me the night before but I still wasn’t able to give a positive response to the CLP team heads.

The Lord knew that there was a minute sense of hesitation hanging about in my heart and gave me another assuring wink of confidence during our household meeting that night when a sister uttered the very words “what it means to be a Christian” during our reflection sharing of the day’s gospel about the solemnity of the Annunciation and Mother Mary’s obedience to God’s will. 

It made me smile at God’s amazing ways of encouraging us and I went home that night eager to relay my definite “YES!” 

Over the weeks and days that followed, I had quite a few eureka moments of understanding as I read the outline; reviewed my notes from previous CLP’s and reflected on the topic at hand. I knew it was God’s outpouring of grace and wisdom. 

As I stood in front that Friday, I felt jittery and my voice cracked as I spoke but my heart although pounding with nerves was full of Joy and Gratitude at the opportunity to be God’s instrument in sharing His messages and bring people closer to Him.

For all of this May God be Praised!!! 

coming back to Him

Last weekend, troubled by a slight blunder I made at work, I was not able to sleep peacefully. 

With the fragile work environment we have, there is little to no room for error so I dreaded going to my boss and telling him about it. I practiced how I was going to approach him and explain my oversight – I thought about it so much that I literally began dreaming about it at night.

I prayed for the Lord to help me face the fear that was weighing my heart down…  I prayed for my boss to have an understanding and forgiving heart… I prayed for us to easily us find a corrective solution and I prayed for the resolve to own up to my mistake instead of leaving it unnoticed. 

The next working day, my hand felt cold and sweaty as I waited for the perfect timing to tell my boss and my heart pounded when I finally did… but praise God for he was calm as I explained and said we are going to check and correct the mistake.

I felt light after our dialogue – not only has the burden of fear and guilt truly been lifted from my heart but I made me further my resolution to be more cautious and attentive at work…

… it also made me ponder on our reluctance to go to confession… 

I was scared to go and ‘confess’ my mistake because I have a 50:50 chance of being reprimanded, judged or worse punished by my boss but with God we are 100% sure that he will not judge us, reprimand us or punish us if we come to Him with a contrite heart and the sincere resolve to change our ways and repent. 

And unlike human capacity whereas three strikes gets you surely chastised, our God is a God of infinite chances and no matter how many times we falter, He will lovingly envelop us in a warm hug of forgiveness if we come to Him with a penitent heart.

Indeed how much lighter would our hearts be if we be freed from the chains of our sins, guilt and shame.

For all the times You have forgiven us and welcomed us back into Your arms may You be Praised forever my God!

in their eyes

"if we could see ourselves the way other people see us, we would realize how truly wonderful we are"

Thank You and Praise God for hearts that sees the good in everything and everyone!!!

...continue to work in me, with me and thru me Dear Father that I may radiate Your greatness to the people around me...

For all of this May God be Praised!!!

nice kitty

I earned the moniker ‘tiger’ in office because I can really be ‘masungit’ when the mental and physical stress and pressure of work gets to me… some times I just sit pokerfaced and mechanically do my job…

Today a client (who turns out to be a CFC elder handling YFC), upon finding out that I am in the Singles for Christ community confessed to previously wanting to invite me to join SFC but held back because I always seemed aloof.  Today he told me that he sees a positive change in me – it was the best compliment ever!

With the grace of God may I continue changing for the better!

out of the shadows

When we were children, the world was our oyster.

We were invincible; we were carefree; we had the ability and freedom to do anything, go anywhere and be who we want to be but as we grew older the world’s complexities started to bear down on us and cast us in our own shadow of self-doubt, anxieties; insecurities and feeling of unworthiness.

But the love and light of God for us shines ever so brightly and moves to penetrate even the darkest crevices of our soul with His very personal and individualized blessings of strength, guidance, loving-kindnesses, and support manifested in everyday events and every people we meet.

May we always allow God’s love to shine within and through us and bask in its warmth and glory like the rays of the sun bursting out from dark clouds.

For all of this May God be Praised.

twenty sixteen

... during an intimate dinner with my HouseHold sisters, we had a sharing of what 2015 was for us. I shared that it was a year of bountiful blessings in terms of service, finances and family time and though I have had my heart broken - 2015 truly was a great year.

... the Lord made His presence known in the period when I felt sad, lonely and have doubted my self worth - He lifted my spirits up thru service and the love of family and friends and I could not have been more thankful... indeed, despite succumbing to the roaller coaster of emotions and turmoil inside me,

He hugged me ever so tightly and held me ever so dearly that slowly I felt the peace in my heart again...

... as we usher in the new year I give my thanks to You Lord for the year that was. I thank You for the bountiful blessings, the spirit purifying challenges and character strengthening circumstances. May we look back at 2015 not with regrets of what was but with fond memories - taking with us the lessons that we have learned, the self discoveries we have made and with faithful hope look forward to 2016 for what will be... 

... we humbly ask for Your loving hand to guide our path to the fulfillment of our dreams...

... keep us, our families and friends safe and healthy. we humbly ask for Your continued providence as we pray for You to open our hearts to your calling to be someone else's answered prayer...

... enkindle our hearts to be closer to You and look upon You not only in times of distress but for all times..

... all praises and glory to You Oh Lord as we say goodbye to 2015 and look forward to 2016!

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getting there

... I have imagined this conversation a thousand times that it is old news and yet every time I do, fresh tears still come streaming...

... I have a lot of questions and as I imagine you answer each one of them, the conversation takes unexpected turns, road blocks and eventually dead ends... 

... yes I have a lot of questions - I tried to find the answers by revering the past - racking my brains for subtle signs in your actions and words - over analyzing the littlest detail and obsessing over everything as I tried to give my self the closure that I think I needed...

... but then I realized I didn't need answers to my questions - having the answers won't give me closure for closure comes from acceptance and acceptance will have to come from within...

... I have accepted the fact that you have moved on away from me but it does not mean it has stopped hurting because the thing about getting your heart broken is that it's too damn hard to pick up the pieces and put them back together...

...there are times when I thought I have succeeded in putting my heart back together but I guess I did it hastily that everything fell apart again with the slightest reminder of what used to be...

... there are times that I felt at peace - slowly putting back the pieces of my heart then a memory of you would squeeze itself out and dance around my thoughts that I'd stop and abandon the process...

... you have moved on - I honestly gave myself a good crying the day I learned that fact... I allowed my mind to wander dangerous terrains - calculating your every action and again asking why? when? how? who?... when I had felt spent crying, I stopped and prayed...

I prayed to for courage to look not at what was but ahead on what will be... I prayed for strength not to look at you for answers nor at her for the qualities that I seemed to lack... I prayed for guidance to keep my focus on the Lord and find myself in Him... 

I am not angry at you - I pray for the best for you in terms of your family, career, service and personal relationship...

... you will always be my friend - I may feel shy and awkward to come up to you and say "hi!" but always know that I always wish you well...

I will always look back at our time together as a beautiful learning experience and I thank God for giving the gift of you - I am sorry for my shortcomings but please know that I loved you the best way I can by the best ways I know how...I pray for God's continuing guidance over you as He moulds you to be the person He ought you to be...

For all of this May God be Praised...