I earned the moniker ‘tiger’ in office because I
can really be ‘masungit’ when the mental and physical stress and pressure of
work gets to me… some times I just sit pokerfaced and mechanically do my job…
Today a client (who turns out to be a CFC elder
handling YFC), upon finding out that I am in the Singles for Christ community
confessed to previously wanting to invite me to join SFC but held back because
I always seemed aloof. Today he told me
that he sees a positive change in me – it was the best compliment ever!
With the grace of God may I continue changing for
the better!
We were invincible; we were
carefree; we had the ability and freedom to do anything, go anywhere and be who
we want to be but as we grew older the world’s complexities started to bear down
on us and cast us in our own shadow of self-doubt, anxieties; insecurities and
feeling of unworthiness.
But the love and light of God for
us shines ever so brightly and moves to penetrate even the darkest crevices of
our soul with Hisvery personal and individualized blessings of strength, guidance, loving-kindnesses,
and support manifested in everyday events and every people we meet.
May we always allow God’s love to
shine within and through us and bask in its warmth and glory like the rays of
the sun bursting out from dark clouds.
... during an intimate dinner with my HouseHold sisters, we had a sharing of what 2015 was for us. I shared that it was a year of bountiful blessings in terms of service, finances and family time and though I have had my heart broken - 2015 truly was a great year.
... the Lord made His presence known in the period when I felt sad, lonely and have doubted my self worth - He lifted my spirits up thru service and the love of family and friends and I could not have been more thankful... indeed, despite succumbing to the roaller coaster of emotions and turmoil inside me,
He hugged me ever so tightly and held me ever so dearly that slowly I felt the peace in my heart again...
... as we usher in the new year I give my thanks to You Lord for the year that was. I thank You for the bountiful blessings, the spirit purifying challenges and character strengthening circumstances. May we look back at 2015 not with regrets of what was but with fond memories - taking with us the lessons that we have learned, the self discoveries we have made and with faithful hope look forward to 2016 for what will be...
... we humbly ask for Your loving hand to guide our path to the fulfillment of our dreams...
... keep us, our families and friends safe and healthy. we humbly ask for Your continued providence as we pray for You to open our hearts to your calling to be someone else's answered prayer...
... enkindle our hearts to be closer to You and look upon You not only in times of distress but for all times..
... all praises and glory to You Oh Lord as we say goodbye to 2015 and look forward to 2016!
... I have imagined this conversation a thousand times that it is old news and yet every time I do, fresh tears still come streaming...
... I have a lot of questions and as I imagine you answer each one of them, the conversation takes unexpected turns, road blocks and eventually dead ends...
... yes I have a lot of questions - I tried to find the answers by revering the past - racking my brains for subtle signs in your actions and words - over analyzing the littlest detail and obsessing over everything as I tried to give my self the closure that I think I needed...
... but then I realized I didn't need answers to my questions - having the answers won't give me closure for closure comes from acceptance and acceptance will have to come from within...
... I have accepted the fact that you have moved on away from me but it does not mean it has stopped hurting because the thing about getting your heart broken is that it's too damn hard to pick up the pieces and put them back together...
...there are times when I thought I have succeeded in putting my heart back together but I guess I did it hastily that everything fell apart again with the slightest reminder of what used to be...
... there are times that I felt at peace - slowly putting back the pieces of my heart then a memory of you would squeeze itself out and dance around my thoughts that I'd stop and abandon the process...
... you have moved on - I honestly gave myself a good crying the day I learned that fact... I allowed my mind to wander dangerous terrains - calculating your every action and again asking why? when? how? who?... when I had felt spent crying, I stopped and prayed...
I prayed to for courage to look not at what was but ahead on what will be... I prayed for strength not to look at you for answers nor at her for the qualities that I seemed to lack... I prayed for guidance to keep my focus on the Lord and find myself in Him...
I am not angry at you - I pray for the best for you in terms of your family, career, service and personal relationship...
... you will always be my friend - I may feel shy and awkward to come up to you and say "hi!" but always know that I always wish you well...
I will always look back at our time together as a beautiful learning experience and I thank God for giving the gift of you - I am sorry for my shortcomings but please know that I loved you the best way I can by the best ways I know how...I pray for God's continuing guidance over you as He moulds you to be the person He ought you to be...
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one…Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness…The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.
Yes, love is painful. But as C. S. Lewis suggests, we can respond to any relationship with either a closed, hellish heart, or an open, heavenly heart. If you keep your heart open, that same pain can become a purifying pain, a strengthening pain.
If we choose forgiveness over bitterness, that pain can heal instead of hurt. Instead of a pain that divides, it can be a pain that binds. Instead of a pain that breaks us down, it can be a pain that builds us up.
Fear, hatred and selfishness? Those are easy. But, Hell is easy. Faith, love, and selflessness? Those are hard. But, Heaven is hard — and rewarding.
Have you ever experienced a time when you wanted
to say something but could not find the words? have you ever felt that
sometimes your heart just does not seem to connect to that part of your brain
responsible for processing your thoughts and feelings into words thus you are
unable to express yourself no matter how hard you try?
It
is when we feel intense emotions - when we are taken by surprise; when we are
nervous; hurt or weighed down by our own anxieties, worries and fears that the
mind just cannot seem to grasp the gravity and plethora of emotions we are in
that our lips are silenced.
Incidents
like this are not limited to conventional social situations but can occur
during our personal prayer times as well.
We pause and say our prayers but they somehow feel uninspired and
routinary.
Quite
ironic isn’t it? Just when we desperately need to commune with God are we
unable to reach out to Him. We falter with hearts feeling disconnected with
what we are saying that our personal prayers seem like empty words as we
struggle to tell God how we feel.
We
often think of prayer as a verbal conversation with God but it does not have to
be. Without words we can commune with
God by listening to worship songs and just getting lost in the music and lyrics;
by offering our daily tasks for His glory; by reading inspirational books and
the scripture…
…
by simply spending sometime alone, finding beauty in our surroundings and
focusing only on Him – by using all our other senses to connect with Him
because drawing close to God means reveling in His presence, feeling comforted
by His warm embrace and finding peace in silence.
When
we stumble with the words of our prayers may we learn to pause and rest in
knowing that God hears the silent cries of our hearts and before long, mouths
will again proclaim God’s greatness and glory.
